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My husband and I learned the reason for the "rollercoaster" before the handfast. He suffers from a disease of the central nervous system called Adult Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). This has been the primary reason for most of his emotional dis-easement. Now the reaction you may be having, what does this have to do with nature spirituality aren't you talking about psychology? I have been a practicing Pagan for nearly 30 years now. I never quite understood what all the fuss was about "new age" versus already established beliefs from the Ancient religions. I never quite understood what the criticism of psychology playing a role in Pagan spirituality. Yet I have been places where the camps are clearly defined. Again, the question does it work for you ought to have the answer -- then do it. Right or wrong does not belong in arguing spiritual paths. But now that I have gotten up on my soapbox I will freely admit I don't always follow this principle either--progress not perfection is my motto.This story is about a combination of both psychology and spiritual belief coming together to work as a team for healing. Much of modern day psychology has its roots in good Ole Time Religion beliefs. Ahem, Jung. I received messages through dreams, natural omens and just plain mental "post it" notes that this relationship was a spiritual relationship and with tenacity I would learn what to do.It is my belief that Hecate is challenging me to learn how to communicate in a relationship that is not at all "normal" by the sense of the word and, at the same time, maintain my own personal goals and spiritual endeavors.The relationship, because of the nature of the dis-ease, lends itself to many power and control issues (nothing a recovering alcoholic has problems with).Thus creating a potential "co-dependent" relationship. Okay, another fad word. I don't agree that millions of hours of therapy should be spent on Codependency or ADD. I do believe that once recognized and identified one can recover or work with the dis-ease through a spiritual life and natural healings. Yet, in all relationships where there is an imbalance; there is the possibility of one person being more dependent on the other. The key to this challenge is to work with the energy of the imbalance.

The imbalance shows itself in anger, fear of the future and economic insecurity, lack of faith, lack of trust and a holding onto the past. How does one overcome or face such darkness without the all-encompassing incubation period of "Depression". The key to much of the this is another little saying ;"H. O. W."=Honesty, Openness, and Willingness, this is how one goes through the process. One surrenders to the idea of acceptance that you are in this "spot" on the road. You have begun the process of spiritually becoming aware of the healing powers of nature. But first there must be that moment of awareness and acceptance.My husband is in that incubation process right now. He finds ferreting out answers about the dis-ease through book learning is good but it ain't all "she" wrote. It is necessary for him to work a spiritual path of great inner work as author R.J. Stewart describes. He must work hand and hand with the Dark Goddess to understand the dis-easement. This is a path of discipline and knowledge.

Now that was all about my husband and Hecate, what about me? Well, it is my direction to deal with the communication problem and learn negotiation skills in the relationship so there is the necessary mundane balance because it is necessary to reserve the room for the spiritual mission that my husband and I are committed to. That is right, he works spiritually for his healing and I work very much in the mundane world for success in the partnership.We do complement each other in all sorts of polarities. He needs to work with the Deep Feminine and I (and the addicted self) need to work with the wounded Deep Masculine. He is more self-oriented and I am more community oriented. We also have sun/moon conjunct. He comes from a very formal tradition of Paganism and I come from "whatever meets your fancy" tradition. He has study and I have experience.

This is all very nice and dandy but what is the thumbnail sketch. The sketch is this: I no longer can indulge myself in emotions of negativity and self doubt and I must become a woman of action in this relationship if this partnership and mission is to survive. He, on the other hand, is working to understand his limitations and the role reversal contrary to the expectations that Donna Reed instilled in us all. Ah, the nineties.The one important fact that I have discovered about Adult ADD is that there are plenty of self development books and support groups for the person who has the dis-ease but absolutely little for the individual who is affected by someone who has the dis-ease. There could be a correlation between some of the actions that a person does that has ADD and that of a practicing Alcoholic. Unfortunately, Al-Anon does not cover that sort of support because the Adult ADD person does not have a choice in his behavior where the practicing alcoholic does.Recognizing this as a problem I sought to set up a support group based on traditional recovery group principles. The people who came were already divorced or divorcing their ADD spouse. This was not what I had hoped for. The success stories for relationships between ADD and non-ADD adults are in the low percentile. I even had a professional therapist tell me there was not any hope for the relationship. This is where the spiritual life takes over if both partners are Willing.

written July of 1996